Life events

Making an opening statement
It goes without saying that people have many important events during their lives. While doing a project on life events, I have found some data showing life moments which are considered to be the most essential for (by) people living in Zetland. I am going to analyze the data and express my point of view (вот здесь бы добавить точности – для значимости темы проекта).
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Reporting facts +
As can be seen in (from) the chart (opinion poll) , having children and getting married are supposed to be the most vital events for most respondents (people) in Zetland -57,5% and 55,6% respectively. It is also clear that getting a job is the least crucial with even less than tenth of people (respondents) choosing.
Crucial – extremely important - the least crucial – есть ли смысл снижать его значение?

Making comparisons+
Looking more closely at the figures of the chart, we can see that leaving home is almost 10% more popular than getting a degree. Meanwhile, getting a degree is around four times as many as the figure for getting a job, which is quite surprising as many people strive to graduate from the university and start their career immediately.
10% more popular не встречала сравнения в процентах – на 10 процентов меньше в популярности (популярность в процентах?) если number of responses то не завершена мысль
as many as – сочетается с object во мн числе

twice/three times etc as many
There are now over 11 million shareholders, three times as many as in 1979.
And there are three times as many non-religious right voters in the Republican party compared with the religious right
About three times as many people complained about high food prices as about high drink prices.

Outline a problem -
Consequently, having examined the data of the chart, I can outline one of the possible problems: most graduates have difficulty in) finding a job and applying their knowledge in real life. I believe that the best solution is to learn the employment trends and get more work experience while studying.
Consequently – as a result то есть выше должна быть информация – в результате чего
по условию – problems with life events- в работе представлен как отрицательное событие – сужение на problems related to finding a job

Conclusion +
In conclusion, I think the importance of any life event depends on the life stage we are living on. Therefore, some events can seem less crucial with time whereas the others can be realized as really important.