Перевод художественной прозы на иностранный язык. Носитель vs не-носитель (на примере английского языка)

I группа фигур речи:
1. «Вот такой он у меня уродился, сама удивляюсь. Меня замучил: «Прощупай, куда ниточки идут, прощупай». Да если бы у меня выходило, миллион раз бы уже прощупала! Очень нужна ему эта любовь – я вот прекрасно всю жизнь без нее обходилась и мать не доставала!» (оригинал)
а) That’s the kind of pillock he’s turned out, can’t believe it. He drives me bonkers: “Work it out, Mum, work it out!” If I could of, I’d of done it a million times already, right? And does he need that lovey-dovey stuff, you tell me? I’ve got by my whole life without and never gave my mother grief. (перевод носителя языка)
b) "And whom only does he take after, I wonder. He completely wore me out: "Go probe where the threads lead, go probe." If only I could do it, I would have probed them a million times already! Can't he do without this love? as for me, I did perfectly fine without it and never plagued my mother with it!" (перевод эмигранта)
c) That’s what he is like, I’m surprised myself. Just wore me out: “Grope, where the threads lead, grope”. If only I could, I would have groped them more than once! Love! A fat lot of good it is! As for me, I've been doing just as well without it my life long and didn’t get to mother. (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли,
британского русиста, филолога, переводчика
русской литературы:
[This is English with a London/south-east England flavour, though I’ve slightly lightened it up: this kind of speaker might say “never gave my mother no grief”. “Urod” is of course “freak”, but that’s unimaginable in the lexis of a speaker of this kind; “pillock” is abusive, but not unprintably so and is quite a vivid term. As for “could of”, “I’d of”: it is common to say this instead of “could have” etc. (I remember this being corrected when I started writing English myself).Not sure whether “lyubov’” is the relationship or the girl, but the rendering could capture either.]

I группа фигур речи:
2. Сидя рядом с гостями, которые пили и ели так, будто их месяц держали в клетке на хлебе и воде, я, несмотря на косые укоризненные взгляды матери, даже не пыталась состроить улыбку. (оригинал)
а) There I’m sat next to the guests, who’re feeding their faces like they’ve been caged up on bread and water for a month, and I make not the slightest effort to crack a smile, for all the dirty looks Mum shoots at me. (перевод носителя)
b) Sitting besides guests who ate and drank as if they had been kept a month in solitary confinement, I, despite my mother’s scolding peripheral glances, didn’t so much as try to smile. (перевод эмигранта)
c) Sitting with the guests, who were eating and drinking so greedily as if they’d been kept in a cage on bread and water for a whole month, I didn't even try to compose a smile despite of mum's sideways reproachful looks. (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли:
[Colloquial English now regularly uses “she’s sat” (or “stood”), which to me sounds like prostorech’e, which is just as well, because otherwise one has too many gerunds in a row, and risks confusion about whom they refer to.]

I группа фигур речи:
3. «Ох, какие у гостей лица отвратительные – радостные! И у родителей какой вид противный – заботливый! А в телевизоре какие певцы глупые! Нет, больше не могу!» (оригинал)
а) God, wouldn’t I like to wipe those idiotic smiles right off their faces. And why can’t my parents stop fussing round me? And the crap they’re singing on TV – one more second and I’ll lose it! (перевод носителя)
b) “Oh, how disgusting the guests’ faces are – joyful! And what a repulsive view my parents have – caring! And how stupid the singers on TV! No, I can’t bear this anymore! (перевод эмигранта)
c) Ugh, what a disgusting expression the guests' faces are wearing - such a joyful one! How detestable mum and dad look - so caring! And what silly singers are on TV! No, that's the end of my teether! (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли:
[…I can’t imagine collocations like “revolting – joyful” or “nasty – concerned” – the irritation with what are supposed to be positive emotions and actions has to be suggested differently.]

Фигуры речи II группы:
1. [Полина, ты куда собралась среди ночи? Ты что, с ума сошла?]
…В парке полно хулиганья, что у тебя за фанаберии?» [Покатаетесь днем с папой и Леночкой!] «...Леночка – это моя подружка, точнее, знакомая с детства, живущая в соседнем доме. (оригинал)
a) “The park’s full of yobbos, what’s got into you?” .... Lena – she’s a mate of mine, leastways, I’ve known her since we was both kids and she was living in the block next door. (перевод носителя)
b) “The park’s full of hooligans, why are you so stuck up?”… Lena is my friend, I mean, I've known her since I was little, she lives next house. (перевод эмигранта)
c) “The park is full of bullies, what maggot do you have in your head?” … Sweety Lena, as everyone calls her, is a friend of mine, or, to be more exact, my childhood acquaintance, living next door. (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли:
[“Yobbos” is rather dated slang, but this is a middle-aged person talking. No-one in conversational English ever uses the word “acquaintance”, and “dom” in modern Russian would usually mean a block of flats; if not, then “house”, obviously. In this kind of English the verbal form is often “we was” (rather than the technically correct “were”)]

Фигуры речи II группы:
3. Дорога, блестя водой в ужасающих колдобинах, в самой маленькой из которых утопла бы родительская машина, вела в затуманенную от сырости даль. (оригинал)
а) The road, with water glinting in its awesome potholes (her parents’ car would have been swallowed up by the smallest of them) led off to a misty expanse. (перевод носителя)
b) The road, glistening with water from its appalling potholes, the smallest of which could drown my parents’ car, wound its way through the dampness into the misty distance. (перевод эмигранта)
c) The road, all in terrible potholes filled with sparkling water - even the smallest one could swallow my parents' car, led into the distant foggy horizon. (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли:
[There is no single equivalent of “dal’” and I would translate according to context – here it obviously refers to a bounded open space (given that the next phrase tells us what is standing round it) rather than meaning “distance”. You don’t need to be literal about “zatumanennaya ot syrosti”, since mist is by definition a phenomenon of damp conditions]

III группа фигур речи:
1. ...Я продолжала встречаться с ним из чувства долга. Ну и довстречалась. Ну и ладно. Вообще говоря, одной гораздо веселее. То есть одинаково тоскливо. (оригинал)
а) I only went on seeing him cos I felt I had to. And look where that got me. All in all, it’s much more fun on my own. Or, to put it another way, dead miserable whichever. (перевод носителя)
b) My sense of duty compelled me to continue dating him. And dating I got. Frankly, it’s much more fun to be by myself. Actually just as boring. (перевод эмигранта)
c) I went on dating with him as in duty bound. That's the whole story. Well and good. Actually, I may lead a merry life all alone, but more truly, a rather lonely one. (собственный перевод)

III группа фигур речи:
2. Конечно, как говорили все родственники, со своей специальностью «экономика и финансы» я нигде не пропаду, вот только сама она пропади пропадом, эта специальность… (оригинал)
а) The whole family said I’d never go wrong with “economics and finance”, and they may have been right, only it was the subject itself went down the toilet. (перевод носителя)
b) Of course, as all my relatives told me, I’d never go under with my “economics and finance” major, but oh this specialty, damn it… (перевод эмигранта)
с) Sure, as all my relatives said, a degree with major in economics and finance wouldn't let my talents go down the plughole, but plague on this speciality itself… (собственный перевод)

III группа фигур речи:
3. «Я уже отмучилась… То есть отучилась. Скоро пойду на эту каторгу… В смысле на работу.» (оригинал)
а) “I’ve had it… That is, got it. Now it’s back to the salt mines… The office, I mean.” (перевод носителя)
b) I already did myself in... I mean I graduated. Soon I'll be going to hard labor. I mean work. (перевод эмигранта)
с) It has finished me off... That is I've already finished my studies. I'll start doing this chore... I'd like to say, start working soon. (собственный перевод)

Комментарий Катрионы Келли:
[This isn’t ideal, but “had it” can mean “had enough of it”, so is somewhere in the direction of “otmuchilas’”, while “got it” signifies “to get the point” (I know that “otuchilas’” is literally “to learn to stop doing something”, but again there is an associative link.]

Общее замечание г-жи Келли:
[Особенно сложно, конечно, переводить литературный «сказ» и/или внутренний монолог с сильным оттенком просторечья, поскольку ему соответствуют скорее тексты, написанные ирландскими писателями (см., напр., недавно опубликованный нашумевший сборник рассказов «Young Skins» by Colin Barrett). А не тексты на литературном английском. В любом случае часто будет приходиться действовать методом компенсации (в случаях глаголов с приставками вроде «довстречаться» и т. д.) ]