О природе конфликта

We consider any conflict as illness. This illness is peculiar both to people and social organisms: it arises inside groups or between groups, communities and so on. In the illness already there is the information necessary for recovery, the force to overcome the illness. Thus, the beginning of treatment, will be the diagnosis. But it is very important, that the diagnosis was put together with those, that were mentioned with the conflict. It is the first step on the way of the resolution of the conflict.

Aspects of the diagnosis:
Sources of the conflict (subjective or objective) experiences of the sides, ways of «struggle».
The biography of the conflict, its history and a background on which it progressed.
The sides of the conflict, whether it is a person, a group or a community.
A position and attitudes of the sides formal and informal , their roles, personal attitudes, etc.
The initial attitude to the conflict - what their hopes, expectations are.

Methods of solving conflicts:
Popular alternatives to effective problem - solving are: fighting, arguing, hassling, demanding, blaming, analyzing, complaining, nagging, denying, catastrophing and etc.
Initiate mediation, begin problem – solving
Gathering data: get information
Define the problem
Brainstorm ideas
Follow through

The situation
Pat: Oh, what happened with you? You are so pale!
Liz: Oh, there is a new handsome boy at our school in the 10th Form «В». He is so attractive, tall, slim, his eyes are blue, he can dance very well, he is the best pupil, I have ever met.
Pat: Do I know him? Do you say the 10th Grade «В»? May be this one?
Liz: Yes, really. This is Timothy.

Pat: But I like Timothy! I’d like to become his girlfriend, because I’m the best, the nicest, the cleverest girl at school! He will be mine.
Liz: But I’m the best pupil! I’m at the top in Math! He will be mine.
Timothy: You know, dear girls. I am not a cake. You can’t divide me in two parts. I’m the only person who makes a decision.
Pat and Liz (together): But how can we solve this problem? Help us to find the way out!
Timothy: I’ll try.

The Problem Solving

The first step:
Get to the conflict;
Make a statement ;
Stop aggressive behavior;
Neutralize object of the conflict
(to calm each other:
Don’t be angry!
Timothy, go home. We’ll try to speak positively.);

The second step:
Find out what each wants.
Help each verbalize feelings
(- I like him and want to be his girlfriend.
I’d like to become his girlfriend too.)

The third step:
Explain the problem.
(- We are two pretty girls and we love one boy.)

The fourth step:
Ask questions.
Give your own ideas.
(- Why do you think you are better than me?
- We are both cool, but I study well.)

The fifth step:
Make sure the solution is safe.
Rephrase the solution.
Check out how it will be carried out.
Who will do what?
When will they do it?
How will they do it?
(- Let’s ask Timothy what he prefers: beauty or intelligence.
Some boys choose nice but silly girls, some pay attention to clever but not smart girls.
- Timothy, come here!)

The sixth step:
Announce that the problem is solved.
(- Let’s be friends and then I’ll decide.
- Let it be so.)

The Third Side
Sometimes the third side (party) will find the decision of the conflict.( a role of the judge)

Dear Friends.
We want you to help us. Here is the task for all teams. Solve this problem from your point of view.
Express your opinions in one sentence.
You have only two minutes.

The third party should observe the following rules:
To be maximum objective
To be neutral and not to read notations
To help the sides to find distance
To be accepted by both parties (sides)
To enjoy confidence.

Try and solve your problems,
Without angry words,
Without catastrophing
And be like friendly birds.